Thoughts about instincts....

...Or instincts about thoughts? Hmmm.

Anyway.

My newest almost-relationship has gotten me thinking about my previous relationships. I'm a big believer of "everything happens for a reason." So, it seems to me that every relationship in my past, however suckily (new word!) it ended up, happened for a reason. At the very least, with each relationship you learn something about yourself.

Last Spring I dated someone for a little over three months. Everything was awesome. It progressed very quickly in the beginning, to the point where I was freaking out a little. He assured me everything would be fine and just to relax. And that ended up well ::shaking head:: I thought the lesson here was to show me how I should be treated. I mean it was awesome for a while...in comparison to my three-year relationship, during which I found myself constantly putting up with things or rationalizing behaviour. Lesson learned.

My last "relationship" lasted about six weeks. He was perfect, on paper...but in real life? He annoyed the bajeezus out of me. His sense of humor was just....off. If you can call it a sense of humor at all. I really wanted to give him a fair shot though, because at the end of the day, he was a good guy (although, as it turned out, notsomuch). And he reaaaaaally liked me. But I knew I didn't feel the same way. I thought I was just being cautious given how my Spring relationship ended...not to mention being somewhat hung up on someone I had dated on-and-off. I just couldn't let go and really enjoy myself, or him.

Fast forward to now. I'm dating someone I really like. No hesitation, no knee-jerk reaction to hold back, none of that. As it turns out, I wasn't being cautious with non-funny guy, I just didn't like him. End of story. Looking back now, I wasn't simply scared at the beginning of my previous relationship, I just knew it wasn't right. As great as it was, I knew deep inside that it wasn't right, that he wasn't the elusive "one."

I know, I know, hindsight is 20/20. I get that. And I get that sometimes it's impossible to have clarity in a situation until you are out of that situation. But I think I have learned to trust my instincts a little more. If something doesn't feel right, don't try to rationalize why that may be...chances are something's not right. End of story.