A Gold Star for the Psycho

Today marks an important day...I have received my first psychotic response from someone off match! Yay! Oh, wait...
I have had many winks/emails from weirdos, but they are harmless. Until now, I never had any really weird, off the wall emails that someone took time and effort to write. Here's the story...

Today I had a message from a guy on match, so I checked out his profile. He seemed fairly normal except that his profile is really, really long...and not long and breezy, I'm talking long and painful like an academic journal on the fertility of bees or something. Now, being somewhat sarcastic, I replied:

"Well, you emailed me about 12 hours, and it took me that long to read your profile...whew!"

Normally, I would receive a response that would be equally joking in nature. Nope, not this guy. Here is his response:

"Is reading so terribly hard for you? Twelve hours?!? It took me only 37 seconds. Perhaps you should have stopped reading when the words got too difficult to sound out.

I read your profile a few times and, though you seemed interesting to me, I suspected that you might not be a very nice, positive or upbeat person; there is hardly a single light-hearted sentiment to be found in your entire profile, only negativity, mandates, and dismissiveness, which suggests that you are indeed "opinionated," but rather in all the worst ways. Perhaps you should change your tack, brighten things up a bit (in your profile and in your general approach to meeting new people), and you may meet with more success."

I am stunned. Really. Wow. I mean seriously, what a jerk! Of course I just had to respond:

"Wow, wasn't expecting that...the thing about your profile was a joke...it's called sarcasm...It was nice to see someone who actually took time to fill out their profile, and that's what I was trying to say. Perhaps lightening up a little will help you be successful in your search.
That is also a very interesting take on my profile. I don't really see what you are talking about, but I do know, based on your response, that you are unlikely to see humor in any form other than knock-knock jokes. Please tell me how my profile is negative; I would really like to know, since the other hundreds (yes, hundreds) of people who have emailed/winked at me have never said anything about it. In fact, most compliment me on what I have said and offer their bug-killing services and such. I guess you will not be one of them..."

It's really weird this guy is single, don't you think? Marwiio is looking better and better every day...